Why Your Aunt Needs a Calm-Down Corner: Thanksgiving Lessons from an Elementary School Cafeteria

As any seasoned elementary school interventionist will tell you, if you can deescalate a lunchtime feud over who skipped whom in the pizza line, you are more than qualified to navigate a Thanksgiving dinner with extended family. The cafeteria is a microcosm of holiday gatherings: the noise level is high, everyone has strong opinions about what's being served, and someone is always on the verge of tears. Except during Thanksgiving, the juice boxes are replaced with wine, and the tantrums come with tax returns and political opinions.

Take, for example, the child who refuses to eat anything that “looks weird” and instead demands a crustless peanut butter sandwich. Now imagine that child is your adult cousin who insists on bringing their own keto-friendly stuffing and then loudly critiques the traditional version for having “too many carbs.” In both cases, it’s not about the stuffing - it’s about control, attention, and the need to feel heard. The best strategy? Validate their feelings without endorsing their behavior. A calm, “That’s an interesting choice,” delivered with the same tone you’d use on a five-year-old attempting to eat Play-Doh, usually does the trick.

Emotional Regulation: A Skill for All Ages

One of the core skills we teach in school-based mental wellness programs is emotional regulation. Children are encouraged to name their feelings, take deep breaths, and use coping strategies like counting to ten or using a calm-down corner. Interestingly, these same tools can be just as effective for adults dealing with emotionally charged family dynamics. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, teaching emotional regulation early in life builds resilience and reduces the likelihood of mental health issues later in life¹.

During Thanksgiving, your aunt might not take kindly to being asked to sit in a calm-down corner, but you can still model self-regulation yourself. Before responding to a provocative comment about your life choices or someone else’s parenting style, take a breath. Channel your inner interventionist. Ask yourself: “Am I responding to the behavior or reacting to the emotion?” And when all else fails, borrow a page from George Costanza and whisper "SERENITY NOW" under your breath like a mantra. It won’t fix the conversation, but it might keep you from throwing a mashed potato-laden spoon across the table.

Attention-Seeking Behaviors, Now With Chardon