Leader, Manager, or Boss? A Reflection on How We Show Up

Today at work we had an extended Leadership “Huddle” where we, as the management team, discussed differences in leadership, management, and being a boss. It reminded me of my own journey in becoming a leader—and the importance of having supportive people around you to help you grow.

I’ve worn all three hats in my career—sometimes all in the same day. At times I’ve led from the front, rolling up my sleeves and modeling courage. Other days I’ve managed behind the scenes, making sure the wheels didn’t fall off. And if I’m being honest, there have been moments I’ve been the “boss”—setting expectations, holding boundaries, and making hard calls that didn’t always feel warm or inspiring.

What’s the difference? And why does it matter?

In mission-driven work—especially in public service, education, and healthcare—how we show up can ripple through teams in ways we may never fully see. Titles are easy to hand out. But leadership? That’s earned in the quiet moments: the hallway conversations, the crisis calls, the steady presence when systems are breaking and people are burning out.

I struggled in my first leadership role. I thought I had to have all the answers. I tried to manage outcomes without properly building relationships. I leaned heavily on systems and authority, thinking that structure alone would earn respect. It didn’t. I wanted to please everyone, and solve everything. That did not work either. Over time—and through mentorship, mistakes, and a lot of reflection—I’ve started to shift. Now, I try to lead with presence, curiosity, and compassion. Most of all, I had to learn to trust myself. I’m still learning. But I take those lessons into every room I walk into today.

The Boss: Power and Position

A “boss” holds authority. They might have a title, a budget, and the ability to say yes or no. Being a boss isn’t inherently bad. Structure matters. Boundaries matter. But when power overshadows purpose, people feel it. The “boss energy” becomes about control, not care. About deadlines, not direction. It creates distance instead of trust.

The Manager: Process and Precision

Managers keep systems running. They ensure compliance, monitor performance, and organize people toward outcomes. Good managers are essential—especially in high-stakes environments where safety and accountab