Time Is the Real Bonus: Reserving Your Best Energy for the Ones You Love

Jennifer OwingsChief Operating Officer, CityGov

11 min read

Yesterday was the last "meeting" of the year. But it wasn't a typical meeting. The room was decorated with care, lunch was catered, and instead of project updates and KPI reviews, there was laughter, stories, and genuine engagement. For once, no one was checking their watch or glancing at their phone under the table. It was a noticeable moment of camaraderie in a professional setting that can often feel transactional. Everyone left that room lighter, reminded that relationships are the real infrastructure of any workplace.

It made me realize how easy it is to forget what leadership is really about. Not just strategic plans or performance metrics, but people. And more specifically, how we show up for people - as whole individuals, not just as job titles. The experience lingered, especially as we head into the holiday season, a natural time for reflection. When we often feel as though we are 'running a marathon at a sprinting pace' and clocking 60-70 hours per week, we often convince ourselves that staying busy equals being effective. But what if pausing is part of the work?

Most weeks, I’m measuring my value in emails answered, problems solved, and fires put out. Yet as I looked around that room, it was obvious: the moments I’ll remember are not the late-night spreadsheets, but the people and the presence I have too often put on hold.

The Power of the Pause

Pausing isn't about stopping progress. It's about creating space to notice what we usually miss. Neuroscience research shows that taking deliberate breaks enhances cognitive function, decision-making, and emotional regulation (Hölzel et al. 2011)¹. Leaders who take time to pause are more likely to tap into empathy and creativity - two competencies that are essential but often diminished in high-stress environments.

I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) that stepping back doesn’t make me less committed. It makes me more intentional. When I pause, I’m better at choosing what truly needs my attention, and what can wait or be delegated. This clarity helps reduce burnout, which is not just a personal risk but an organizational liability. According to the World Health Organization, burnout is a syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed (WHO 2019)². Leaders have a responsibility to model healthier rhythms for their teams, starting with their own.

Redefining Success Beyond the Job Title

I often tied my identity to my profession. Promotions felt like validation, packed calendars signaled importance, and exhaustion was a badge of honor. But titles can be precarious; they can change with a reorg, a retirement, or a budget cut. What remains is how we lead and whom we impact. Leadership at its core is about influence, not hierarchy.

Researchers in organizational psychology have emphasized the importance of intrinsic motivation and value-driven leadership over positional authority (Deci and Ryan 2000)³. When we define ourselves by purpose rather than role, we become more resilient and adaptable. That shift has helped me realize that I am not my profession or title. I am a mentor, a sister, a friend, a learner - and those identities deserve as much energy and care as my professional one.

For a long time, when someone asked, “So, what do you do?” I answered with my role, not my life. The subtext was clear: my job was my identity. The data backs up how common and costly this mindset is. In 2025, one report found that 82% of employees are at risk of burnout, with workload and long hours as major drivers. Another analysis showed that working 55 or more hours a week increases the risk of stroke by 35% and death from heart disease by 17% compared to a standard 35-40-hour week.

When our sense of self is fused to our output, we ignore those signals. We tell ourselves, “This is just a busy season,” even when the busy season never ends. Redefining life beyond the job title starts with a simple but uncomfortable truth: our worth does not rise and fall with our calendar invites.

Time as a Gift, Not a Commodity

One of the most valuable lessons I've embraced is that time isn’t just a resource to allocate for productivity. It’s a gift we give to others and ourselves. During the holidays, this becomes more obvious. Time spent with loved ones, time spent resting, or even time spent doing nothing at all can be its own form of leadership. It shows others that they are valued, not for what they do, but for who they are. Life is precious and temporal. Embrace loved ones with gratitude and full presence; work will always be there on Monday mornings, but nobody is granted the promise of the next birthday or holiday with our loved ones. What I wouldn't give to spend one more day with my father...

A longitudinal study by Harvard researchers supports this, finding that strong relationships are one of the most significant predictors of long-term well-being and happiness (Waldinger and Schulz 2015)⁴. That means time with people we care about isn’t a distraction from our goals - it’s foundational to our ability to lead well over the long haul. If leadership is about sustainability, then investing time in relationships is a strategic choice and a sentimental one.

Research on overwork shows that long hours don’t only affect the person working; they ripple out into families and relationships. One study found that partners of people who work long hours report higher stress, less “time adequacy” together, and lower relationship quality. Another body of work on work-family conflict shows that overwork amplifies emotional exhaustion and undermines mental health, especially for professionals juggling intense roles and responsibilities at home.

That means every extra late night is not just “more dedication to the mission” - it may also be less presence with the people you love. In a world where 77% of Americans say they’ve felt stressed by work in the last month and a majority report burnout at some point, choosing to give unhurried, undistracted time to loved ones becomes a radical act. Time is not just a resource to pour into work; it is a gift that can repair, deepen, and strengthen the relationships that outlast any job.

Balancing Mission and Mental Health

Many professionals are driven by mission. We care deeply about the work and the people it serves. But mission without margin leads to burnout. Mental health is not a personal issue to be dealt with in private; it’s a leadership issue that affects team performance, retention, and culture. Leaders who prioritize mental health - their own and others’ - build more resilient teams.

The National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health has identified job stress as a critical factor impacting employee health and performance (NIOSH 2021)⁵. Leaders must normalize conversations about mental health and model behaviors that support it. That includes taking vacation, setting boundaries, and encouraging others to do the same. It’s not about doing less, but about doing what matters most - in a sustainable way.

Long working hours are consistently linked to higher odds of burnout and poorer mental well-being. One large study found that once people cross roughly 60 hours per week, their odds of work-related burnout more than double compared to those working around 40 hours.

Balancing mission and mental health is not about caring less - it is about caring wisely. That might look like:

Saying “no” to the extra project that will push you from stretched to broken.
Setting a hard stop time and actually honoring it.
Carving out time for lunch (someone once reminded me that "lunch is a law, not a luxury.")
Treating therapy, coaching, or rest not as luxuries, but as professional infrastructure.

The mission matters. So does the human carrying it.

Why Stepping Back Makes Us Better Leaders

Every time I’ve stepped back - whether for a weekend, a vacation, or a quick 5 mile run - I’ve come back with better questions, clearer priorities, and more patience. Distance gives us perspective. It allows us to see patterns we miss when we’re too close to the work. It also sends a signal to our teams: that trust and delegation are real, not just buzzwords.

Leadership development experts emphasize the value of reflection and strategic disengagement as tools for better decision-making (Day et al. 2014)⁶. Just like athletes need rest days to perform at their best, leaders need recovery periods to lead effectively. Stepping back isn’t a retreat. It’s preparation for the next leap forward. And it often reveals that some of the problems we thought were urgent could actually wait, or be solved in simpler ways.

Studies show that detaching from work - even for short periods - reduces burnout symptoms and increases resilience and engagement when people return. Time off, especially when it includes true psychological detachment, has been linked to higher creativity, better problem-solving, and improved productivity. Our brains need space to rest replenish attention, and boost motivation.

Some of the most innovative leaders build in intentional “think time” - days or weeks where they disconnect from the noise, read, reflect, and let their minds wander. That wandering, that boredom, that pause is not wasted; it is where new ideas and clearer perspectives emerge.

Stepping back is not stepping down. It is stepping up into a version of leadership that is sustainable, creative, and deeply human.

Practical Ways to Pause (Even When You’re Overbooked)

If you’re used to 65-plus-hour weeks, the idea of “unplugging” can feel unrealistic, even irresponsible. Change does not have to be dramatic to be meaningful. Consider:

Micro-pauses during the day
Block 10-15 minutes between meetings with no email, no phone, and no tasks - just a walk, a stretch, or a quiet moment. Even short recovery periods are linked to lower stress and better focus.
Tech boundaries after hours
Pick one or two evenings a week where you stop checking messages after a certain time. Let your team know your boundary and stick to it.
Device-free time with loved ones
Designate one meal a day or a block of weekend hours as device-free. Use that time to talk, listen, play, or simply be around each other.
An intentional “off” day
Even if you can’t take a full vacation, choose a day - or a half-day - over the holidays where you ignore work entirely. No “just checking in,” no “quick replies.”

An Invitation to Unplug

If you’ve spent this year sprinting from one deadline to the next, answer this honestly: when was the last time you felt fully present - not as your job title, but as yourself?

Why not give yourself permission to close the laptop, silence the notifications, and step away? Not as a reward you have to earn, but as a basic requirement to keep going. The data is clear: overwork drains your health, strains your relationships, and dulls your creativity. The pause is not optional if you want a life - and a career - that lasts.

Log off. Be with your people. Be with yourself.
You have given so much of your time to your work.
Now, give some of it back to your life.

Bibliography

Hölzel, B. K., Carmody, J., Vangel, M., Congleton, C., Yerramsetti, S. M., Gard, T., & Lazar, S. W. (2011). Mindfulness practice leads to increases in regional brain gray matter density. Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging, 191(1), 36-43.
World Health Organization. (2019). Burn-out an "occupational phenomenon": International Classification of Diseases. Retrieved from https://www.who.int
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The "what" and "why" of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227-268.
Waldinger, R. J., & Schulz, M. S. (2015). The Harvard Study of Adult Development. Harvard Medical School. Retrieved from https://www.adultdevelopmentstudy.org/
National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH). (2021). Stress at Work. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/topics/stress/
Day, D. V., Fleenor, J. W., Atwater, L. E., Sturm, R. E., & McKee, R. A. (2014). Advances in leader and leadership development: A review of 25 years of research and theory. The Leadership Quarterly, 25(1), 63-82.