Time Is the Real Bonus: Reserving Your Best Energy for the Ones You Love

Yesterday was the last "meeting" of the year. But it wasn't a typical meeting. The room was decorated with care, lunch was catered, and instead of project updates and KPI reviews, there was laughter, stories, and genuine engagement. For once, no one was checking their watch or glancing at their phone under the table. It was a noticeable moment of camaraderie in a professional setting that can often feel transactional. Everyone left that room lighter, reminded that relationships are the real infrastructure of any workplace.

It made me realize how easy it is to forget what leadership is really about. Not just strategic plans or performance metrics, but people. And more specifically, how we show up for people - as whole individuals, not just as job titles. The experience lingered, especially as we head into the holiday season, a natural time for reflection. When we often feel as though we are 'running a marathon at a sprinting pace' and clocking 60-70 hours per week, we often convince ourselves that staying busy equals being effective. But what if pausing is part of the work?

Most weeks, I’m measuring my value in emails answered, problems solved, and fires put out. Yet as I looked around that room, it was obvious: the moments I’ll remember are not the late-night spreadsheets, but the people and the presence I have too often put on hold.

The Power of the Pause

Pausing isn't about stopping progress. It's about creating space to notice what we usually miss. Neuroscience research shows that taking deliberate breaks enhances cognitive function, decision-making, and emotional regulation (Hölzel et al. 2011)¹. Leaders who take time to pause are more likely to tap into empathy and creativity - two competencies that are essential but often diminished in high-stress environments.

I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) that stepping back doesn’t make me less committed. It makes me more intentional. When I pause, I’m better at choosing what truly needs my attention, and what can wait or be delegated. This clarity helps reduce burnout, which is not just a personal risk but an organizational liability. According to the World Health Organization, burnout is a syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed (WHO 2019)². Leaders have a responsibility to model healthier rhythms for their teams, starting with their own.

Redefining Success Beyond the Job Title

I often tied my identity to my profession. Promotions felt like validation, packed calendars signaled importance, and exhaustion was a badge of honor. But titles can be precarious; they can change with a reorg, a retirement, or a budget cut. What remains is how we lead and whom we impact. Leadership at its core is about influence, not hierarchy.

Researchers in organizational psychology have emphasized the importance of intrinsic motivation and value-driven leadership over positional authority (Deci and Ryan 2000)³. When we define ourselves by purpose rather than role, we become more resilient and adaptable. That shift has helped me realize that I am not my profession or title. I am a mentor, a sister, a friend, a learner - and those identities deserve as much energy and care as my professional one.

For a long time, when someone asked, “So, what do you do?” I answered with my role, not my life. The subtext was clear: my job was my identity. The data backs up how common and costly this mindset is. In 2025, one report found that 82% of employees are at risk of burnout, with workload and long hours as major drivers. Another analysis showed that working 55 or more hours a week increases the risk of stroke by 35% and death from heart disease by 17% compared to a standard 35-40-hour week.

When our sense of self is fused to our output, we ignore those signals. We tell ourselves, “This is just a busy season,” even when the busy season never ends. Redefining life beyond the job title starts with a simple but uncomfortable truth: our worth does not rise and fall with our calendar invites.

Time as a Gift, Not a Commodity

One of the most valuable lessons I've embraced is that time isn’t just a resource to allocate for productivity. It’s a gift we give to others and ourselves. During the holidays, this becomes more obvious. Time spent with loved ones, time spent resting, or even time spent doing nothing at all can be its own form of leadership. It shows others that they are valued, not for what they do, but for who they are. Life is precious and temporal. Embrace loved ones with gratitude and full presence; work will always be there on Monday mornings, but nobody is granted the promise of the next birthday or holiday with our loved ones. What I wouldn't give to spend one more day with my father...

A longitudinal study by Harvard researchers supports this, finding that strong relationships are one of the most significant predictors of long-term well-being and happiness (Waldinger and Schulz 2015)⁴. That means time with people we care about isn’t a distraction from our goals - it’s foundational to our ability to lead well over the long h