Trust, Fist Bumps, and Resilience: The Science of Student-Teacher Bonds
Greeting hundreds of students and parents by name at the main entrance with a fist bump each morning isn’t just a routine. It’s the foundation for the day ahead, setting a positive tone and instantly reinforcing the message that everyone who enters our Brooklyn school is seen and valued. Familiarity grows from these daily connections, building trust not only with students but with their families as well. That intentional moment at the door is where I start investing in the relationships that define our school culture.
The Invisible Curriculum: Relationships as a Learning Tool
As an educator in New York City, I’ve learned that what happens outside the classroom can be just as important as what goes on inside. Whether I’m chatting with students in the cafeteria, mediating minor disagreements during recess, or sharing a laugh at a field day event, these moments are where authentic relationships grow. Even during safety drills (fire alarms wailing or a soft lockdown unfolding), I make it a point to be visible, calm, and approachable. These informal encounters lower barriers, foster trust, and signal to students that they belong to a community where adults are consistently present and invested in their well-being.
Relationships: The Investment that Pays Lifelong Dividends
Why devote extra minutes to getting to know each student, especially when every educator’s to-do list feels endless? Research consistently affirms that strong teacher-student connections boost academic achievement, motivation, and engagement while reducing absenteeism and behavioral problems. Students who feel respected and known are more likely to take academic risks and persist through challenges. “Students don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care,” says John C. Maxwell. This simple quote captures the heart of why relationship-building matters.
The Search Institute’s national survey found that students with strong developmental relationships had higher GPAs, increased motivation, and a greater sense of belonging. In my experience, the student who struggles to sit still during math is far more likely to try when greeted by name and asked about their weekend soccer game. Those connections don’t eliminate all challenges, but they fundamentally change how challenges are navigated by everyone.
The Nuts and Bolts: What Relationship Building Looks Like
For me, being a “constant presence” means much more than supervision; it’s about building rapport and offering support in unexpected moments. In the lunchroom, I ask about favorite foods or weekend plans. At recess, I join a basketball game or help settle trading card disputes with a smile. During assemblies and field day events, I celebrate side by side with students, share in their excitement, and sometimes even get pied in the face (all in the name of fun!).
These seemingly small gestures send a powerful message: I’m here for you—not just as a disciplinarian or authority figure, but as someone who genuinely cares about your happiness and growth. When students approach me during safety drills with worries or questions, I respond honestly and calmly, deepening their trust and modeling self-management during stress.
The Data Behind the Dialogue
A recent meta-analysis confirmed that when teachers prioritize relationship skills, classrooms experience improved academic performance, better attitudes, fewer conflicts, and enhanced prosocial behaviors. Positive relationships with teachers are directly linked to higher levels of student motivation, reduced dropout rates, and smoother transitions during school changes. When students feel safe and supported, they’re more likely to attend school regularly, participate in class, and develop the confidence to pursue new challenges.
Stories That Stick: The Classroom Impact
Some of my most memorable breakthroughs with students didn’t happen during lessons but in the spaces between. I remember a third grader who, after months of withdrawn silence, began sharing jokes over breakfast in the cafeteria. That small ritual, day after day, opened the door to trust, and eventually, to him proudly raising his hand in class. Another student who struggled with outbursts found it easier to regulate emotions after we’d spent time connecting over shared interests during recess. These children remind me that what we invest in building relationships is always returned—often when we least expect it.
Connection Enhances Learning
If you’re an educator tempted to skip the handshake or conversation and dive straight into the day’s lesson, consider this: relationships are not a detour from teaching—they are the very road on which meaningful learning travels. Invest a few extra minutes at your classroom door, in the lunch line, or during dismissal. One day, those investments will return to you in the form of a courageous question, a persistent effort, or a grateful smile from a student who knows they matter.
Build relationships first; the rest will follow. Grab a fist bump, a smile, and maybe even a joke—because the connections you make outside the curriculum are the lessons students remember for life.
Sources
Center for Engaged Learning. “What Works When Building Educational Relationships?” Last modified December 10, 2024. https://www.centerforengagedlearning.org/what-works-when-building-educational-relationships/.
Learning Policy Institute. “Striving for Relationship-Centered Schools.” Last modified November 20, 2024. https://learningpolicyinstitute.org/product/striving-for-relationship-centered-schools-brief.
Meemic Foundation. “Building Relationships: The Heartbeat of Learning.” Last modified April 7, 2025. https://www.meemicfoundation.org/resources/blog/educational-community-speaks/building-relationships-with-students.
PubMed Central. “Exploring Positive Teacher-Student Relationships.” Last modified November 28, 2023. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10716249/.
Waterford.org. “Why Strong Teacher Student Relationships Matter.” Last modified July 8, 2024. https://www.waterford.org/blog/teacher-student-relationships/.