Teaching Through Tragedy: How Loss Redefined My Role as an Educator

Teaching is often described as an act of shaping minds- but sometimes, it’s about holding hearts. In the wake of unimaginable loss, I learned that education doesn’t begin with a syllabus; it begins with compassion. Two tragedies- one a national headline, the other heartbreakingly close to home- forced me to reimagine what it means to show up for students in pain. What emerged was a new understanding of teaching: that beneath every outburst or disengaged glance is often a story of survival. This is the story of how grief reshaped my classroom, my leadership, and my belief in the quiet, transformative power of presence.

...That January day in 2019 changed something fundamental in how I viewed my role as an educator. Standing among a group of students labeled as “troublemakers,” I realized how deeply connected they were to their classmate who had taken his own life. These were students often written off by the system, yet their grief was raw, immediate, and real. We sat in a circle, some crying, others silent, all of us unsure what to say but unwilling to leave each other’s company. That day, I stopped seeing disciplinary records and started seeing trauma responses. I understood that behavior isn’t always a sign of defiance - sometimes it’s a cry for help.

But that wasn’t the first time I had faced overwhelming grief in the classroom. In November 2017, a former student of mine was killed in the Sutherland Springs church shooting - one of the deadliest mass shootings in Texas history. I remember seeing her name on the list of victims and feeling the air leave my lungs. She had once sat in my classroom, full of curiosity and potential. The senselessness of her loss, followed by the suicide of a current student just over a year later, forced me to confront the reality that educators are not immune to tragedy. These were not abstract events on the news - they were personal, and they were devastating.

These experiences shifted my approach from one of classroom management to one grounded in trauma-informed care. Research shows that trauma can significantly affect a student’s ability to learn, regulate emotions, and build relationships with adults in authority positions like teachers (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration 2014)¹. I began to invest more time in learning about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), realizing that many of my students were navigating challenges far beyond the school walls. I now prioritize building consistent, compassionate relationships with students, particularly those who have difficulty trusting adults. That day in January taught me that presence, not perfection, is what students remember.

Creating a Culture of Belonging

Both of those days - November 6, 2017, and January 25, 2019 - forced me to confront the emotional labor of the job. I learned that students need more than academic instruction; they need a sense of belonging and safety. After those tragedies, I began to reshape my classroom culture to prioritize emotional safety alongside academic rigor. I started each class with a check-in, giving students a chance to express how they were feeling - even if it was just with a color or emoji on paper. I collaborated with our school counselor to identify students who needed extra support and advocated for peer support programs, which research has shown can play a vital role in reducing feelings of isolation and improving student well-being (Cohen and Sandy 2007)².

These efforts were not just about crisis response but about building resilience proactively. I worked closely with colleagues to implement restorative practices, holding circles where students could speak openly and be heard without judgment. This helped shift the school culture toward one that valued student voice and peer accountability. Practical tools like morning meetings, routine relationship-building activities, and consistent adult presence during unstructured times (like lunch and dismissal) became essential parts of our daily operations. These strategies are now considered best practices in trauma-informed education and have been recommended by state education departments across the country (Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education 2020)³.

Lasting Lessons That Shape My Leadership

Today, those two difficult days still guide my decisions from the classroom to the policy table. They remind me that every data point we analyze - be it graduation rates, attendance, or disciplinary referrals - represents a child with a story. Behind every statistic is a student who might need someone to ask, “Are you okay?” before asking, “Where’s your homework?” This perspective has made me a better listener, a more empathetic leader, and a stronger advocate for holistic student support systems.

I now mentor early-career teachers, and I always tell them: the hardest days will teach you the most. You will be called to sit with grief, to carry burdens that feel too heavy, and to show up anyway. The key is not to do it alone. Build your network, lean on your colleagues, and remember that your presence matters more than your lesson plan. Those two days taught me that education is not just about content delivery - it is about walking with young people through their most formative moments, sometimes in silence, sometimes in sorrow, but always with hope.

Bibliography

• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. 2014. Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services. Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 57. Rockville, MD: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://store.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/d7/priv/sma14-4816.pdf.

• Cohen, Jonathan, and Shamus Sandy. 2007. "School Climate Research Summary." Center for Social and Emotional Education. https://schoolclimate.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/school-climate-research-summary.pdf.

• Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education. 2020. Safe and Supportive Schools Framework. Malden, MA: MA DESE. https://www.doe.mass.edu/sfs/framework.pdf.